I was looking at a lad, aged around 25 or so, dark black rimmed spectacles almost touching his cheeks, stubby nose, and dishevelled hair. Rahul must be around 5 and half feet. In his creased up blue and black checkered half shirt and dark blue jeans, Rahul showed all signs of anxiety. Little did I know that I would have to play a five day full test match and not a one day or even a T-20!
After settling down in my cabin, I asked Rahul to explain the purpose of his visit. Surprisingly, Rahul came straight to the point. He said that he is low in confidence, feels scared talking to his colleagues and literally sweats when called by his boss. I liked his summarization and more so the openness in admitting his concerns.
I appreciated these qualities and asked him as to why he did not feel the same while talking to me. Slowly, I was trying to lead him to identify his weaknesses on his own. He made a valid point, he said that here, there is no responsibility, no evaluation, no target and no promotion. That’s it! Rest of the discussion was easy and so also the further sessions.
We tend to bend and break only by the word ‘expectations’. The moment we are told that there will be monitoring, evaluation and grading, most of us crack. It is here that that our personality shows up. What are we? We are a bundle of behavior, emotion, motivation, and thought patterns. To elaborate further, our moods, attitudes, and opinions and the way we interact with others, defines how we are or in short it defines our personality. Our behavioral characteristics, both inherent and acquired, spell out how we interact at home, office, society, authorities etc.
Thus, we need to understand individual differences, weaknesses in the behavior and various approaches towards others. In our example, what Rahul experienced, was his weakness in interacting with other people especially his boss, where he himself had laid down his expectations from himself. This constant expectation from self and a burden of expectation from others results into a continuous state of fear in the mind; the result being low confidence, instability, low morale and a total disconnect of thoughts and action.
Here one may possess knowledge of his subject but sheer lack of confidence may prove fatal if he fails in presenting his knowledge accurately and in a systematic manner. It is exactly this weakness that Rahul faced when meeting his boss and making a good presentation.
We then move on to the question, whether one can get over these shortcomings or weaknesses? Yes, definitely one can and that’s what we will discuss at length and is called ‘Personality Development’. Broadly, the core personality of a person remains the same but by awareness and by building appropriate skill sets one can manage his approach towards others and achieve a meaningful transaction with others.
What exactly needs to be done under the term Personality Development? We can very briefly list down the main points as follows:
1) Awareness: Development starts from this primary step or process called Awareness. One needs to be aware that he/she needs to change or develop
2) Evaluation of Self: What is lacking in me is the starting point. The shortcomings or weaknesses need to be honestly admitted and accepted and listed to know exactly what needs to be changed or rectified or repaired. A SWOT Analysis is exactly what is needed
3) Honesty: The importance of honest evaluation of ‘Self’ cannot be undermined. This honesty should not be only at the beginning but is a must all throughout the process of Personality Development project
4) Project: Admit and Accept that you have started a project of Personality Development
5) Time frame: Though development is a continuous process, it is very vital to put a time limit, a broad period; for example, say by year end or by March end etc. A time frame will keep reminding you of your project and the exercises which need to be carried out
6) Seek Help: Never hesitate in asking for help. If you are serious about development then do it precisely, perfectly and professionally. Find out a mentor, a coach who would help you, guide you in your project
Having done and understood the above 6 points the next step is to further list down in detail the key areas which need to be corrected or changed or repaired. In other words SWOT analysis! For example, poor communication could be a broad point under ‘weakness’ which needs to be further broken up into poor verbal communication or written communication or non-verbal.
Now that we know broadly what is ‘Personality’ and ‘Personality Development’, let us see how we can chart out the flow of the project.
There are three main aspects of Personality Development as follows –
a) Self-Awareness
b) Building your own Identity
c) Knowledge and Talent Building
In order to achieve the above three aspects one needs to develop and nourish some basic skills:
1) Communication skills
2) Self Confidence
3) Adaptability
4) Empathy
5) Problem Solving
6) Integrity
7) Leadership
8) Interpersonal
We shall look into all the above aspects and skills, in detail, in the next blog.
Please do wait for the same…
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